I stared at the blank subject line longer than I expected.
Asking for more felt like asking for approval to exist fully.
It wasn’t the act of asking that was heavy—it was everything that came before it.
At first, I assumed asking for a raise would be straightforward: present the case, get the conversation, maybe some negotiation. But it wasn’t like that at all.
Every sentence felt loaded with meaning I didn’t intend. I worried it sounded selfish. I worried it sounded ungrateful. I worried it sounded like I valued money over the people I worked with.
It wasn’t the raise I feared—it was what it said about me.
The guilt wasn’t about wanting more—it was about fearing I didn’t deserve it.
I had already written about the guilt of wanting more money as a social worker: the guilt of wanting more money as a social worker.
And about how low pay quietly breaks you over time: how low pay quietly breaks social workers over time.
Those pieces explored how compensation shapes life and identity—this one explores how asking for change feels internally.
At home, I rewrote the draft too many times to count. Sometimes it felt like I was bargaining with myself more than anyone else.
I told myself it was a necessary conversation. I reminded myself that compensation impacts life. Still, the self-talk was unkind.
It felt like accusing myself of wanting too much.
The guilt wasn’t rational—it was internalized over years of quiet acceptance.
The longer I worked in this field, the more I had absorbed the idea that financial desire was inappropriate for someone in a helping role.
I noticed it most when comparing myself to friends in other fields who talked about raises plainly, without hesitation or internal debate.
Wanting more felt like wanting to break the unspoken rules.
In social work, asking for more felt like questioning the identity I’d adopted.
Why does asking for a raise feel so heavy in social work?
Because social work often frames emotional commitment as priority, creating an internal tension between care and compensation.
Is guilt normal when asking for more pay?
Yes, many experience this because of cultural expectations within caring professions that equate financial desire with lack of dedication.
Does guilt disappear once you get more money?
Not necessarily. Guilt may lessen over time, but it takes awareness and reflection to untangle it from identity.
The guilt wasn’t about the raise—it was about what I believed I deserved.
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